Recovery from being in a relationship with a man with Narcissistic Personality Disorder

As I made it clear in my first blog entry, this blog is for my thoughts on women recovering from being in a relationship with a man with Narcissistic Personality disorder (NPD). I appreciate that men, too, suffer when they get into a relationship with a woman with NPD or Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). So although women will equate with what I have to say, men who have suffered from such a toxic experience can also understand and learn from these posts.

Mindfulness is a practice that can help us on our path of recovery from pain to power.

Every woman who has been in a relationship with a man with NPD has at some point a feeling of disbelief that they could have been so deluded. As these men nearly always move on to the New Supply very quickly, we are also left with a feeling of failure and conviction that the Other Woman is going to have the best of this man we loved so much.

An illusion? Of course it is. The illusion started when you met him and you thought you had met the ‘love of your life’.  He recognised that you were a perfect Narcissistic Supply Source (NSS) and put you on a pedestal – showing how clever he was to have found such a perfect woman. The attitude men like this adopt is often referred to as ‘love bombing’. You have never experienced anything so wonderful.

Then, as you are but an ordinary mortal he began to see your imperfections, which is when your relationship went through devalue and discard and you were left empty and devastated, unable to see that it was an inevitable journey. If you want to see what a Narc’s future behaviour will be, look at his past. Usually, their previous partner sounds like the bitch from hell. All of a sudden, that is what you are. They move on to their next supply and you are left mad and sad. You are convinced that the Other Woman will get the best of him. Well that too is an illusion… If she is like you, a kind woman who wanted to give, then she will suffer in the same way. If she also has NPD or BPD then they will experience a mutual feeding frenzy that will tear them apart. In any event, you have had a lucky escape. Your life hasn’t ended, it has just begun to get better! She hasn’t robbed you of your happiness and lifestyle, she has given you back your life!

So how can Mindfulness help?

In this state, you are prone to rumination: thoughts going around your head like a washing machine on spin cycle…. ‘if only’….

When you find yourself in this tortuous state, practice the Guest House exercise that you can find on this site.  At the same time, throughout the day, take 3 Mindful breaths as you say to yourself “Now I am breathing in. Now I am breathing out”, three times – this will give you short and needed breaks from your monkey mind.

From the next blog I will start describing how Cindy Reller went through the hell of a relationship with a Narcissist, experiencing a Shaman’s death, rising from the experience like a phoenix.